Firannion clears her throat.

Firannion says, "And now for a lesson in the natural history of Elanthia."

Firannion produces a mysterious object resembling two shortened telescopes joined together, holds it up to her eyes and scans the audience.

Firannion says, "No, this is not a sacred talisman of the Moon Mage Guild, but a clever device called "binoculars" which is most useful in observing the avifauna of the Realms."

Firannion says, "I have been spending some time of late in the foul swamps to the west of Riverhaven, the home of a most unusual and inordinately cranky feathered creature known as the boobrie."

Firannion tucks the binoculars away in a pocket of her pack.

Firannion says, "If you have not yet had the misfortune to make this bird's acquaintance, here are a few facts you should know about its nasty habits."

Tapping a foot in rhythm, Firannion strums a playful tune on her maple lute.

"Gather round and hear me sing
You who go adventuring
And I'll share some good advice that I have heard
If adventure you will seek
Then beware the baleful beak
Of our fancy-feathered friend, the boobrie bird"

"If you're going for a romp
In the noisome Zaulfung swamp
Look around and soon the boobrie you will spy
You will doubtless be impressed
By her shining feathered crest
And her long sharp beak is sure to catch your eye"

"The boobrie-O, the boobrie-O
She treats the traveler rudely-O
Because she has forgotten how to fly
To alleviate her pique
She would gladly stick her beak
In your arm or in your leg or in your eye!"
"She's a most unpleasant sort
And her temper it is short
For she wishes she could bid this place goodbye
She detests her habitat
But she can't accomplish that
Because she has forgotten how to fly"

"Her sharp stiletto bill
Goes through leather like a drill
It'll slash your flesh to ribbons like a knife
She can pierce vambrace or greave
Like it was a lacy sleeve
Then the hungry bird will drain you of your life"

"The boobrie-O, the boobrie-O
She treats the traveler rudely-O
Because she has forgotten how to fly
To alleviate her pique
She would gladly stick her beak
In your arm or in your leg or in your eye!"

Firannion executes a reasonable facsimile of the boobrie's mating dance.

Firannion cackles!
Firannion paces back and forth.
Firannion ducks her head.
Firannion ducks her head.
Firannion ducks her head.
Firannion flails her arms about.
Firannion preens. Someone's pleased with herself!
Firannion cackles like a lunatic!
Firannion begins flapping her arms around wildly.

"When Faenella made the birds
Too melodious for words
Her holy favor passed the boobrie by
Who among us wouldn't squawk
If we always had to walk
Knowing that our dear old grannies used to fly?"

"Mother boobrie tells her brood,
"'Tis your birthright to be rude
After all, you cannot fly and cannot sing."
Hear her egg her nestlings on:
"Just remember when I'm gone
You could poke somebody's eye out with that thing!""

"The boobrie-O, the boobrie-O
She treats the traveler rudely-O
Because she has forgotten how to fly..."
"So take heed of what I speak
And be careful what you seek
Don't imagine that she's weak
Or expect her to be meek
Though her plumage is unique
Being flightless, she's a freak
To alleviate her pique
She would gladly stick her beak
In your arm or in your leg or in your eye!"